Wow for long time I had a desire to learn Hindi, my national language. I know Tamil, English, Russian and can understand Malayalam but not Hindi.
Then came my chance to learn it. Unlike any nationals or state, north Indians have unique ability to not laugh at people who speak Hindi wrongly. That gave me the boost to learn it a little.
To win life, all you need to do is to convince yourself that nobody is laughing and you are good at it, and you can definitely reach the top even though you are at the first step.
I used to convince myself many times, because, no matter what, there will be at least one joker to laugh at you. But remember, to ignore the laugh and take the leap.
There is nothing wrong in loosing rather than never trying.
So i started speaking this unpleasing Hindi which no one told me at that time.
Right that moment we got a patient in our ward, probably 17 yr old girl or even less. The moment she entered she went into cardiac arrest.
We started our CPR and all emergency drug infusion and intubation. That CPR seemed never ended for me, cause no idea whats her condition and very less staff. We did what we could and she responded. We got her back.
She was suffering from a heart disease and needs 24 hours oxygen supply.
Sometimes life needs a thing to hold on to without which we can’t survive.We just think it is needed, but really it isn’t. What life needs is hope.
I don’t know this girl, neither do understand her language but once she was stabilized, every time I pass through her bed, she would be like ” DiDi (means sister) Didi how are you? Did you eat? Did you sleep well yesterday?…” Every single day she does this.
Sometimes she and her dad would have a big conversational fight and would cry to me.
I didn’t know how to react to her. To treat her as my patient or my sister. Sometimes the latter would take over.
She felt that she was trapped with an oxygen cylinder, and wanted to break free. She definitely didn’t like the ward and its serious atmosphere or anyone there.
She once removed the mask and had her saturation go low, got knocked out, by GOD’S grace we revived her. we got her back and everyone blasted her for doing a stupid stuff.
She was in tears.
Do you know what she told me???
DiDi I want to be free, can’t live like this. If you guys can’t cure me, then let me be me, let me die being me . Just let me go. I don’t want to do this anymore?
Sometimes life keeps us bound to some things which we don’t want to be bound, may be it’s for the good, but still nobody cares what we really want?
Do everyone really do what they want to do? Or we do certain things cause it has to be done that way and people are watching us.
I am not justifying that little girl, definitely not but her condition is not curable she had a lot of underlying conditions.
But still I cannot let her go…. After all she is my DiDi sister (that’s what I call her).
So i convinced her over and over again, she started screaming , fighting arguing with everyone and finally became totally non co-operative and got DAMA( Discharge against medical advice)
I didn’t speak to her, the day she was about to leave. She called me, forced me to give my phone number, hugged me and said, “DIDi I will never forget you,i will call you soon”
“She will never survive, this hospital is one of the best in the nation”, I thought to myself.
She left happily with a smile without understanding why things happened or what for?
Our hands may be tied up. We might wanna run away from the place, just sit back and think what you really want, would GOD want it too?
Not what the one near you want but GOD.
If you have to wait, it’s never the wrong choice.
But if you are planning to leave, make sure its GOD’s way. Because if it’s a bondage, then GOD can only break it.
DiDi girl never called me or anyone. I am not sure what happened. But I still remember her and pray for her…..
And i did learn Hindi, though not properly, can understand better than before. Hoping to learn it soon….