Remember Apostle John has said in John chapter 3 verse 30
“HE must become greater ; I must become less “
Well, not many times in our life we tend to do that. We don’t let GOD to rule over us, instead we rule over….
It was not until that very night, I too had been a blocking wall to all HIS miracles.
Most of the people don’t believe in these miracles, instead they believe in their so-called luck or co-incidence, or you can call it whatever.
But only a few like me, who has seen near death experiences of many lives and who has spent their awful lot of time with the last moments of a complete stranger whose memory you try to erase but cease to forget….
I have been through all of them and I can proudly and faithfully without any doubt can say miracles do exist.
But I was not the same person back then. I used to be a non – believer, pessimistic, insecure….man, you can put a lot of terms to describe me….
Some people avoided me cause they felt I knew only to read and write exam and I was void inside. Some tried to get through me but finally gave up…
I was difficult to reach that time. That’s when a bunch of my friends pulled me into the prayer circle.
They were all spiritually strong and powerful and had faith as big as Everest. Well, I was like., ok..what am I doing here? This ain’t my place.
But still I couldn’t stop gathering for the chain prayer.
My friends had the GIFTS OF GOD, and would be prophesying, speaking in tongues, seeing visions and do you know what I would be doing, just praising,saying Hallelujah. That’s all I knew to do and that’s all I did.
Then slowly this thought crept inside me, if GOD is so good and big and impartial, then why is HE partial to me?
Our tough times questions us so many times, why us? Why so partial? Why not them? Why should I be mocked all the time?…
But there is a purpose in everything. The problem is it’s difficult for us to accept that.
I had some financial problems that time and as well, to be frank a whole lot of problems….so the little faith that I had, began to break totally…
I became frustrated, became more arguing with GOD, unhappy over everything….
Nobody understood me. It was a feeling of despair, a silent shout asking , “Why me?”
Life is always too difficult to understand but not too difficult to break….
Evening we had a prayer meet to feel GOD’S presence, and almost everyone felt HIM except me. They called me faithless Thomas. Little did they knew, the little hope I had died inside me that day.
They suggested that I was not grateful to GOD for what HE has done and only when I believe, I could feel HIM.
They were indeed true. I understood one thing, it’s not about me, it’s about us. Knowing GOD, is like being in a relationship. One should have a strong relationship with GOD, to feel HIM.
Though I showed my despair to friends, I secretly decided to talk to HIM personally.
I went to bed early, and got up around 4 am that day.
Took my bible, sat in a corner, didn’t even switch on the room light. All I had, was a small bulb near the door with little brightness under which I started reading the Bible….
About half an hour later, I knelt down and prayed this,
“DEAR GOD, I always visualize you as the person standing beside a small girl holding her shoulder and saying ,”Don’t worry, it will be alright”, will you do that to me…?”
I immediately felt a burning sensation on my right hand as if someone just held my hand, really intense burning….
And a voice beside me saying,” I will never leave you. I will hold you forever“…
That hold was totally different and amazing, that I couldn’t lift my hand for more than an hour, it was like paralysis……
That day I knew, HE is not partial, HE watches us, HE is waiting for the right moment. HIS love for us is same and grows more everyday….
But to believe this in the toughest of situation is the challenge…
Remember to hold on, cause the HAND that held you will never leave you not ever…..